After-effects of my stroke

The after-effects of my stroke 2.5 years ago are still being  felt with a very poor voice and still feeling giddy when walking. I also still tire easily and my fine-motor skills are not good. Although others tell me I am still improving, improvements are now very slow coming, so it is a case of coming to terms with "me" as I am now. Things upset me more easily and I seem more emotional.  I also wonder about some aspects of my memory.  It seems harder than it was to spot errors in spelling and writing: words that shouted out at me as being wrongly spelt no longer do so. Of course, I am putting all this down to my stroke, but it may be old age creeping up on me!

2015

As I write this we have just under one hour to go of this year. In some parts of the world it is already the new year. For me, it has been a "challenging" year with only slow, slow improvements in my stroke. My voice is still poor, I still have problems with many drinks and I have not made the full recovery by now that I was hoping for so much. I just hope next year is better, or at the very least that I can better adapt to the "me" I am these days.

Poor voice

Today I had to go to Addenbrooke's Hospital for an outpatient appointment at the Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) clinic. This meant having a camera down my nose into my throat. Sadly, the diagnosis was that my poor voice is "neurological" and there is nothing that can be done to make it better. I am seeing the "main man" just in case, but it sounds like I am stuck with my poor voice unless it gets better over time. This is a blow, although at one time I was told I would never eat ever again. For the last year I've been able to eat just about anything. Moral? Never, ever give up.

Stroke exhaustion

It is perhaps surprising that well over 2 years since my stroke, I still get very exhausted so easily. We have had good old friends staying for a couple of nights and after helping to prepare lunch and washing the dishes, I was totally exhausted. After 10-15 minutes I am OK again, but anything physical or mental gets me very tired after a short time.

I guess I have to accept this is how it is going to be, although people tell me I am getting slowly better. They can see progress, although I cannot generally see it.

Sitting down  and driving are OK generally.   I find I get stressed more than I did and my instinct is to, "say it as it is". This sometimes gets me into trouble! I am sure I was more tactful in the past.

Small steps?

My wife tends to do the major housework on Tuesdays and I usually try to clean some windows. This morning I managed far more than before. I also managed a 200ml glass (actually a cup) of orange in 16 sips. To me, both are progress. To "normal" people these may seem trivial but if you have had a brain bleed, like me, they represent small steps on the road to recovery.

Stroke update

Things here seem to be on a plateau with no real improvements for months.

Just after breakfast seems to be my worst time, as I am always exhausted. A short sit-down rest and I am back to normal - well normal as I can be for now.

My main issues are my voice, which is still poor, liquid swallow, giddiness when on my feet and bouts of exhaustion after physical or mental exertion.

Stroke after-effects

It is true to say I am really fed up with the after-effects of my stroke. Most of the time on my feet I am exhausted and giddy. My voice is still very poor. Nobody, and I mean nobody, seems to comprehend the hell I am living through. Outwardly I look "normal" and healthy. Inside is a different matter.

All I want is for things not to totally exhaust me and not to feel so wobbly. I feel so useless inside. Sitting down on the PC is fine, but the moment I try to do anything physical or mental I am soon "done in".

It seems a long time since I was my old self.

Stroke after-effects

About 2 weeks ago I had a tummy bug. In the past, this would have hit me for a few days, but this time I feel it really "knocked me for six". I blame this on my stroke and my age. 2 weeks later I still feel unwell and tire easily. Gradually, I am improving - my appetite is back to normal, but I do hope I feel far less exhausted very soon.

This afternoon I plan to cut the front lawn, but no doubt this will tire me after about 20 minutes.

UPDATE 1307z:  Today the sun is shining, so I'd better get out in the garden soon! Tomorrow rain is forecast.

UPDATE 1451z: I managed to cut both front and back lawns, but now I am totally shattered!

Quiet day

I am still not feeling fully back to normal following my stomach bug. I think this really did hit me. My immune system must be relatively poor. On top of the stroke after-effects I think I really suffered.

Today, my wife has her U3A course in Cambridge so I have had a fairly quiet morning so far. I shall prepare lunch later and there are a few household jobs to do, but I think one has to "listen to one's body". At the moment it is telling me to go easy and don't do too much.  I expect I shall soon be back to my new "old self".

Out the other side?

Last week, I had a nasty stomach bug. On top of my stroke after-effects, this really knocked me for six. Although the stomach troubles ended last week, I am still feeling "low" (tired, emotional and generally unwell) as a result of it. At long last, I feel that it is drawing to an end and I am returning to my new "old self". In the past this might have been a 48 hour bug, but in my present state I guess it takes much longer.  I've been lucky in that this is the first time since my stroke 2 years ago that I have been "ill". In many ways, I have been lucky. I still feel giddy when walking and drinks are still not right, but (when I don't have a stomach bug) I feel less tired than I did.

I just want my usual speaking voice back please!

Stroke

Stroke - I am still finding things out. The latest revelation seems to be an inability to realise when spellings are wrong. In the past I could easily tell when things were wrong but sometimes it is days before I spot a spelling mistake or that a word is missing.

I also struggle with words - I just cannot bring to mind the right word. I know this did not happen before. I have been struggling since Saturday for one word. I still cannot recall the right word! FRACTAL! Now I have looked it up I shall probably remember it. It is almost as if dragging things up from some parts of my brain is harder than it was.

More stroke artifacts

Yet another stroke artifact seems to be an inability to spot spelling mistakes as easily as before. Sometimes it takes me ages to think how a word is spelt (or is it spelled?). Often it is hours (or days) later that I notice the mistake! In writing this short piece I made at least one mistake whilst writing it.

Yet more stroke after-effects

This morning my wife was talking about a road in our village. I could not remember at all where this road was. Most things I remember well, but it was as if this part of my memory has been erased. I am pretty sure this is yet another artifact of my stroke and nothing else. Of course, I wonder what else is missing! I need triggers to jolt my memory. Oddly, since the jolt this morning I have had no problem at all remembering where this road is. It is as if I needed the jolt to recall the memory.  Another thing: I seem to be far more emotional than before. Things that would not have made me tearful can bring on the tears nowadays. I am sure this is my stroke. Overall, I still feel giddy, still have problems with many thin drinks and certain things still exhaust me. To others I look perfectly well, whereas inside I still feel very poorly. In many ways if I looked less well I might be better understood.

Another stroke side-effect?

Another after-effect of my cerebellum brain bleed seems to be a degree of lack of inhibition. Sometimes this is seen as being tactless,  and this may be so, but maybe I see things "as they are" more clearly now and am prepared to express this? There is no doubt this gets me in to trouble at times.  In many social situations it is better to say nothing than the wrong thing.

BTW, I am on no medication for my stroke, just statins which I have taken for years which keeps my cholesterol in good limits with no side effects that I am aware of at least.

Stroke update

My cerebellum brain bleed was in September 2013.  This is nearly 2 years ago.

I am so fed up with my stroke symptoms, although I know I came off better than many. One person my wife knows was a teacher and only 49. He has been left very disabled. Likewise Michael Schumacher who, I understand, is a shadow of his former self since his head injury whilst skiing.

Me? Well I can still only take liquids in small sips, my voice is still very poor and I feel giddy all the time when on my feet. I still get exhausted doing physical or mental tasks taking over 15-20 minutes. My wife tells me I am far less tactful than I was: in the past I would have been more careful, whereas I tend to say it "as it is" nowadays and often regret it later. I blame this on my brain. Honestly, I have no wish at all to hurt anyone, but I know some of the things I have written have hurt others, which has never been my intention.

On the positive side I seem to be less tired than I was, but I still have a way to go. I now enjoy cheese again and I can drink (and taste) most liquids, albeit very slowly. I can eat most foods. The occasional beer is nice. I enjoy eating out again and can drive, although I find this tiring and needs lots of concentration.

I am not someone who gives up without a fight, but maybe some of these symptoms will always be with me?  I do hope not and so much want to be as I once was. I miss being fit.

Cranial osteopathy

I have now had 4 sessions in Cambridge to help with my stroke after-effects. I am now less tired (I still get tired but I seem to recover more quickly), still have problems with swallow and speech and still feel giddy when walking.

Some think cranial osteopathy is a "snake oil" treatment but it helps me relax so, for now, I am continuing. Time will tell if it really helps. I just want my symptoms to recede. I still feel below par. The tiredness is better. I just hope the other remaining symptoms get better too.

Poor voice

Amateur radio has been one of my great interests for years but since my cerebellum brain bleed in Sept 2013 I have had a very poor speaking voice and this has been a real handicap. Speaking at all takes real effort and I feel breathless.

Although I (just about) get onto the East Cambs 2m FM amateur radio net most Mondays  for about 20 minutes and I get on for about 1 hour in the 2m and 70cm legs of the RSGB's Tuesday evening contests, I find using my voice hard work, so I avoid talking on the radio too much currently.

Stroke update

Not sure if the cranial osteopathy is the reason, but I do seem to be less tired than I was.  This week we have had all our little grandchildren staying (2 lots of 2 and they are all less than 7.5 years old) yet I am coping better.

Overall, I still have a poor voice and poor thin liquid swallow and I still feel drunk when walking, but feeling less tired is a positive step on a long road. Small steps.

Cranial Osteopathy

I still have several stroke related issues (feel drunk when walking, tire easily, poor thin liquid swallow, poor voice), so today I started a series of cranial osteopathy sessions with someone recommended to me in Cambridge. The first session went well and I have fixed up a couple more sessions. Time will tell if these help with my symptoms. Although I am improving, the pace has slowed considerably so I am game to try anything that may help.

Stroke and spelling

About  19 months after my cerebellum brain bleed and operation I am still far from right. My symptoms that I had last year are still there although, on average, I feel a little less tired than I did. Some days are still bad and I feel totally exhausted.

My other issues are feeling drunk when walking (but I do not fall), poor speech and poor thin liquid swallow. These have improved very little if I am honest. Life is still very hard and I find stress harder to cope with. I still feel unwell and still a long way from my old self.

One thing that I am attributing to my stroke is poor spelling. It is not that I make lots of mistakes but rather it seems to take longer for me to realise when I have made an error. Some of these are keyboard typos but some are genuine errors that I am sure are a more recent thing.

An example: yesterday I really struggled with "bare" and "bear". There are other examples but in the past these would not have been a problem. Also, I find I am more forgetful too. Although my wife can remember who has called to see me in the past, I sometimes forget who has, and has not, called, say last year. A few weeks ago I posted something on Twitter but I have no recollection of doing this, at all.

Overall,I still feel in a bit of a fog.  Oh for my old self!